Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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