what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
