Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
