How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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