my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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