Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
