I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
