boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
