fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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