cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
