i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize