he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
