i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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