She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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