I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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