so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
