the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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