i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My cat gives me a boner
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
