Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
