do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
