He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
