she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
