he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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