Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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