I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
