i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
