I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
