So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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