if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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