There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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