i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
