is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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