worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
