I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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