i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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