...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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