peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
