Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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