I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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