organizing the empties. That sober.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
this is an emotional support booty call
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
