So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize