I CAN MOONWALK!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need moral support for this bender
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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