I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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