I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
