a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
