i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
