I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
