it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
