is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
