This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
