You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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