I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
