U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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