Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize