So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
