i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
