there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dick very happy bro
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
