You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
