Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my being single is dangerous.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
