Soap is not a condiment
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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