I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
