Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
