I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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