He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
