the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
