so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize