I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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