Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
