She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
