I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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