he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
