He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
