Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize