i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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