The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
