I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
