we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
