I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
