I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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