I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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