My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
