I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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